Saturday, March 03, 2007

 

The secret of the platinum rule

One of the biggest mistakes I have made with women in my life is not knowing their personality styles and the differences between them.

My fatal mistake was to treat people the way I wanted to be treated. I thought the Golden Rule was the Key. Its is in some general social situations like common courtesy however frankly people are different and have different personality styles ( in fact there are 16) , they have different communication styles which translates in relationship as different love styles and communication modes.

As well we all have different Value Centers and Personal LifeStyle Preferences.

So the next tip is to treat people the way they want to be treated.

Relationships are a Mutual Filling of Needs and you need to give the person you are pursuing and dating what they want in the way they want it otherwise your will lose out long term.

There are certain strategies to Attract and certain Strategies to Keep.

Give People what they want in the way they want it not the way you want it. People are different and want different things so the person you are wanting to be with has to be understood in terms of their Personality, Value, Vision and Communication Style

There are general Subconscious Mind Principles that govern all human interaction regardless of Personality and Communication Style. We spoke of a few earlier ie Authority, Defining the Relationship , Expertise, Power etc.

However once you have got someone’s Attention and Interest then your job is to give them “What they want” specific to their Unique
Combination of Personality, Communication and Value Factors and ideally have their Vision align with yours.

The next tip or secret which many men do unconsciously when they meet a woman but soon forget about and in fact is one of the biggest reasons why woman leave down the road is that of

Attentiveness.

Its part of the AIDA formula both marketers and successful daters use.

AIDA stands for Attention, Interest, Desire and Action

You want to get Attention and Interest right off the bat. You want to give Positive Attention once you have the party interested but not in a way that makes you only a nice guy or friend and then you want to build Desire by tuning into the unique person your are with and giving them what they want in the way they want.

This is a big Secret of how to keep a person from ever leaving you. That is to get them and give them what they want because 99% of the competition has no clue about differences between people and how to tune in an give a given person exactly what they want

Frankly people expect you to know who they are an give them what they want. Most people are unconscious to the differences in others and when I discovered this an adapted my behavior I became ultra aware and very successful with women.

Its was a great light bulb moment. There are many resources we have that will allow you to tune in fast as to who you are playing with and then give them what they want.

Our counsellor in a box system at www.counsellorinabox.com is design to keep couples together and in there gives the information, resources and strategies to tune in to the 37 areas of potential difference in a couple

Paying attention, giving respect and unconditional love and approval is very attractive to a woman. There is a caution here though. If you do these things too early and without defining authority power and stature with a social system you will be perceived as a nice guy and will shoot yourself in the foot.

Based on the Personality Style of the person you are interested in Attention and Stroking is very valuable. If they are a more dominat task oriented type of personality then Respect and Approval of their rules and methods is there alluring drug.

For a complete understanding of Personality and communication styles check out www.lovebydesignbook.com

One of the other 7 Principles for Relationship Success we teach in Love by Design is to be Strong and Independent. We talke earlier about this young lady who was in my office and me previously 20 years ago lose out when we presented needy dependent behaviors.

Neediness is a repelling energy. Partners of both sexes want confident , interdependent, independent to a point people. A Strong emotionally, financially independent person is attractive.

When I financially somewhat dependent on Lucy she started to resent this after a few years and wondered when I would start to contribute more and be a co provider.

Relationships are conditional and most both men and women want assistance in creating a home and family.

Emotional neediness is draining to the other person People want partners that love and respect themselves and who have it emotionally together and are independent and interdependent in a healthy way.

Being unavailable emotionally and totally aloof will eventually backfire in a long term relationship because most people crave intimacy unless they are emotionally shut down. Should you be with a personality or person that is like that then your best strategy is to match that level of behavior.

If you think of a Relationship with a person as a series of plug ins the more plug ins or lines of connection with them that you have the better.

So if you are emotionally open and affectionate and that’s what they want then it’s a good thing you have those open lines of connection.

If they are closed in the department and you have those lines open, you will eventually annoy them. If you have those lines open but don’t define authority and have a certain power and respect you will eventually annoy them.

Are you getting how these principles converge or don’t and that how to make it work especially if you adapt them to the specific combination of personality style , values and vision you are playing with.

One to the next secrets to keep Strong and Independent is to understand the Reality of this World and Universe.

Most of us are programmed and trained in what we call the Competitive Adversarial Paradigm which is based on the assumption life is a struggle and resources are scarce.

If you develop and keep this belief system you will fall prey to victimization, powerlessness and end up pretty needy and desperate in relationships.

The weakest position anyone can be in a relationship situation is believing that their partner or potential partner is the “only one for me” If you believe you can replace something whether it’s a car, job, house or partner you have pretty much undermined your negotiating position and will probably lose in the long run and suffer extreme emotional distress.

Those that win in the Relationship and Attraction Game are those that can lose a given round and that know there are plenty of “fish in the sea”

Otherwise you will always be needy and desperate which are very repelling energies.

There is great abundance in this world. You can tap into once you leave the competitive adversarial belief system and see the big picture in life.

What you are seeking is seeking you however you will not be able to attract that if you belief life is a struggle, things never work out , I am not good enough or all the good ones are taken.

Your belief system will shut you down and cut you off from the great potential out here. There are 5 billion people to choose from

You need to adopt a belief and attitude that there is great choice and abundance and that if a given situation doesn’t work out it’s a stepping stone to a better one.

People will sense your insecurity and neediness.

When I learned how to use Universal Attraction Systems my life in all eras got instantly easier and more prosperous. I applied the system to Relationships, Money, Real Estate and Material Items with great success. In my book True Love on Demand – Creating the Relationships of Your Life & Dreams at www.trueloveondemand.com I explain the principles and the systems for success as well as what not to do with this system.

One need to develop personal, social, system and universal power to be successful in the Attraction and Relationship Game. .

You need to understand where your kinks are and work them out in any of these areas you don’t have mastery in yet.

Once you master the principles in each of these areas it’s very easy to Create the life and relationship of your dreams. It’s just a few things in each are however each area needs to be attended to create a complete package you can take out into the world and succeed in the Relationship Arena.

You will be Strong and Independent when you have developed the systems that can easily attract better opportunities and relationships that are ideally suited to you.

One of the other Secrets that helps one be successful, confident and strong and independent is the Principle of Highest and Best.

When you attract your highest and best partner its effortless. They want you . Yours a their personality blend easily. You share the same Vision and Values. Life is easy there is not struggle. There is chemistry attraction friendship and fun plus you and they get along and have similar lifestyles, goals and dreams.

You don’t have to slam a square peg into a round hole. If you have an understanding that you deceive your highest and best and can have that you will be very attractive out in the meet market because people will sense your optimism and strength and that is very attractive.

People don’t like the energy of powerless people whining about how they are victims and that their life is a struggle. We want people in our lives and we want to be folks who create the life they want and have the systems and power to achieve that.

That is quite attractive.

So this is a great tip to adopt these attitudes and develop in the areas you need.

You are as good as your system and any good system has a certain belief underpinning and paradigm linked with specific strategies and skills that create success.

With the knowledge you have gained from this Report alone will give you a huge advantage over the rest of the herd.

As you develop greater power, awareness and understanding in the areas of personal awareness, relationship mastery, and develop systems that access Universal Power you will be able to easily attract the Love of your life as well keep them forever in your Highest and Best Soulmate Relationship.

Wishing you success

~ Dr Robby

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