Friday, December 29, 2006
RELATIONSHIP ADDICTION : When You Can’t Let Go of Toxic Love & Emotional Pain
When being in love means being in pain, you know and feel at some level something is not right, but you seem powerless to fix it or leave.
In our last article I was sharing the story of when I was trapped in dysfunctional addictive relationships.
Before we start lets define some terms so we are all on the same page.
Addictive means that you keep wanting and craving something that in the long term is not good for you cause in the short term it gives you some pleasure and relief. Usually the more you interact with an addictive substance or person you always feel less satisfied and the good times get less and less.
Dysfunction means “not functional” which means doesn’t work long term.
Toxic means hurtful to you, dangerous and or damaging short and or long term
Codependent means you are putting your needs ahead of someone else in a way that is toxic and or hurtful to you.
Dependent means you need something for your peace of mind, happiness and or emotional/physical balance
Relationships are a mutual filling of needs and healthy happy relationships have both parties getting what they want in the way they want it. As well good Relationships are absent of getting a lot of stuff you and your partner don’t want in the way they don’t want it as well.
People and Relationships need to be functional, available and compatible.
A model we look at when we look at Relationships is what we call the Toxicity & Deficiency Model.
When you don’t get what you want in a Relationship you are in a “Deficient state”. When you get a bunch of stuff you don’t want in the way you don’t want it you are in a “toxic state”
Deficient and or Toxic states creates Relationships that don’t work in other words a “Dysfunctional Relationships “
As we defined earlier “Dysfunctional Relationships don’t work long term.
If someone is not available that doesn’t work and creates deficiency.
If someone is not functional and hurtful to you that is toxic and hence dysfunctional.
If you are with someone who is not compatible for you then you are faced with lots of deficiencies and usually some toxicity
In Melody’s book Love by Design at www.lovebydesignbook.com .
Melody goes over 30 areas of compatibility that exist in a relationship.
In my latest ebook and program “Counsellor in a Box” at www.counsellorinabox.com I go over Toxicity and Deficiency in Relationships and how to deal with them. As well we look at how to create compatibility and deal with availability issues.
Now if you are in a deficient and or toxic relationship with someone who is either not compatible, functional and or available as I was when I dated Virginia and host of others in my “having lousy relationships phase of my life” you are probably in the pain of Relationship Addiction.
When you cant let them go then that’s not Love that’s Addiction.
So when being in Love means being in pain then you need to get out of your mindset and understand the true nature of Relationships, Love and Reality.
Relationship Addiction means you are addicted to Relationships that don’t fulfill you and or are hurtful and toxic to you.
In other words you are trapped by these “dysfunctional” relationships with people who are not right for you , but you stay out of love and or fear.
We fear because we feel that we love these people and that we cant replace them cause we think they are our Soulmate or only one for me
All that is an illusion, however before I gained Relationship Mastery which is the material in Melody’ Love by Design Book at www.lovebydesignbook.com and Counsellor in a Box Principles found at www.counsellorinabox.com I did not realize how wrong it is to stay in a Relationship out of love, attraction, and commitment.
I was with “unqualified people” who were, either not available, functional and or compatible. When I learned these concepts I really started to look at Relationships with a different point of view.
This “Paradigm Shift” is important to creating success in your life and relationships.
The Second Paradigm Shift I had to make in order to “Create the Life & Relationships of my Dreams” was to understand how the life and the universe works.
I had to get out of fear and realize I there were higher and better people for me and I could actually attract and deserter to be in a relationship with them.
I actually also had to belief that they could be better than what I had because I was trapped in the mindset that they were the one and only Soulmate for me which was an illusion as well.
Its not about being with your Soulmate its about being with your Highest and Best Soulmate who you can not only have great love , attraction and connection with but a healthy functional happy relationship with.
Get it ???
In my ebook and program “True Love on Demand” at www.trueloveondemand.com I talk about how to shift to place of understanding how Relationships and the Universe works so you can draw in your “Highest and Best” Soulmate.
If I can speak to you in plain language, the fact was I thought Relationships were supposed to be struggle and that Love conquered all.
Love doesn’t conquer a bad choice. It will allow you though to get out of it if you understand the principles of true love and how one can have that and an ideal relationship as well.
I didn’t realize that I had attracted dysfunctional relationships with people who either not compatible functional and or available cause that is what I learned from my family and society what love was.
Love is not a healthy relationship. You can love people who are not right for you and have a sense of a Soulmate connection but this does not make a good relationship.
I had to learn that I could have the love and attraction with a functional relationship with someone who was available, functional and compatible I did not learn that till I learned about Metaphysics and how the Universe worked.
When I learned that I could create a “essence vibrational blueprint” of what was highest and best for me and draw it in.
I had to lose my Relationship Addiction which was based on fear and scarcity and a misunderstanding of the Relationship Game and how the Universe and Life really works.
So when I got the Relationship Game and the Universal Attraction System I could then create the “Relationship and Life of My Dreams “
If you have any questions contact me at email@example.com and check out our 3 ebooks at www.relationshipmasteryonline.com to gain Relationship and Universal Mastery and “Create the Life & Relationships of Your Dreams”
~ Dr. Robby
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