Saturday, November 18, 2006


How To Regain Your Relationship Self Esteem!

So now when I was aware of my self-esteem level, I needed to find ways on how to regain my self-esteem. I found that there were two basic ways to get myself started which are as follows:

Understanding that I am worthy.

Respect is a choice.

I’ll go over each in turn.


In my mini-book “Do You Still Love Me” I go over a system that assist Codependent people in breaking their Codependency cycles. The system is called W.A.P. (Worth, Abundance, Power). All three of these areas are also the key to increasing your self-esteem as well. For more detailed examples of all the areas check out our “Do You Still Love Me” Minibook which is part of our Love by Design Package ( For the purposes of this article, I am just going to go over the first area which is about Worth.

In our society we have been brought up to judge ourselves by our accomplishments and what you can or cannot do. People with low self esteem are caught in a loop because they and/or other people are in judgment of what they are or what they are doing or not doing.

Some people with low self esteem feel by their society’s standards they are not good at anything or that they may be good in some areas, but the areas that they feel isn’t good ends up overriding their good feelings or self-esteem.

It is really hard to increase self-esteem when one gets caught up in the positive and negative judgments of themselves, which in turn lowers one’s level of confidence making things harder for people to accomplish things, especially when self-doubt creeps in. So the key is to remember that you are worthy, regardless of what label that you or society gives to you. So to assist in understanding this I have included the Worth section of the W.A.P system.

The following is a brief overview of the W.A.P. System.


In our “Do You Still Love Me?” Mini-book, we explain that if you are a Codependent, you believe that people will not love you just the way you are. People with low self esteem feel the same way.

The most important thing to remember is that you are born perfect. Only the things that happen in your life that make you forget that. You job is to heal yourself back to the perfection that you have forgotten.

From a Spiritual point of view, the simple fact that you are here on earth means you are very important person, you are on a mission, a mission that is very worthy.

Therefore, not matter what; there is never any reason for you to feel unworthy. No matter what you say, no matter what you do or don't do, no matter what you do or do not accomplish you are worthy. You are a part of the universe, and as part of universe, you are love and will always be connected to love.

It is only when we feel like we are not worthy, that we cut our own selves off from the feelings of love. If you keep yourself open to being a part of the universe, you will always feel love and be love- no one can ever take that away.

So here is the key. You are seeking love. As long as you are seeking love externally, it will always be up and down and out of control. You will sell your soul to try and control it. There are much easier ways then trying to control the world around you.

When it comes to low self esteem, your judgment of yourself, often being the result from the judgment of others, will cause you self esteem to lower and cut yourself off from feeling loved. Therefore, you need to have a solid, unconditional love base for yourself. The way to do this, just as for Codependent people is as follows:

1) First and foremost, LOVE YOURSELF FIRST. Since what your focus on expands or love attracts love, the love will be attracted to you, Vs trying to seek it and track it down yourself. That is simple physics, if you are not spiritually inclined. If you are spiritually inclined then you may believe that you create your reality, so by focusing on self-love, you will connect with the love vibration. For some of you, you may say, yeah, it’s easier said than done, just love yourself. However, you can start anywhere to get started. Eat something really healthy for you. Focus on a body part and just love that part, talk gently and lovingly to yourself, empathize and validate yourself, get yourself out of a toxic situation, buy yourself something you really love. Any of these suggestions will get yourself going, it doesn’t have to be a major life altering event to be able to love yourself, yet the results of your love for yourself will be life altering. The more you take care of yourself, the more love pours into your life.

2) You may be thinking well, isn’t that just a form of co- dependency using yourself to try and control others by giving yourself love? No, by default, when you love yourself, you are also being authentic. Since you are already perfect, anything you do, think, or feel that is authentic then you automatically align with the universe, and the natural way of life. Therefore, not only is what you are doing for yourself the highest and best for yourself, it is also the highest and best for everyone else. Also, the more your love yourself, the more in tune with yourself and your authentic needs you become.

3) You may have trouble trusting that your self-love is the highest and best for everyone. This is especially true when we have been conditioned to believe that taking care of ourselves is often considered selfish, or when we say what we want to do something for yourself and someone gets mad, sad or disappointed with you. How can that possibly be the highest and best?

I have found that some people don’t get what I am saying about Worth at a really deep level right away. So like a good wine, it may take time to really get it, so every once in while come back and read this section again and when you are ready (if it hasn’t already happened) you may have an ah-ha moment.


Respect really is a choice; you don’t have to spend a lifetime earning your own respect. You can simply just make a choice to respect yourself. Conviction and making a decision is very powerful. The universe will align with your belief once you choose to respect yourself.


Once you have raised you self esteem and have regained respect for yourself, automatically people in your environment will also begin to respect you, you will also start to draw in new people into your life as well who will support and respect you for who you are.

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