Friday, November 10, 2006
How To Deal With Jealousy In A Relationship
We had a client of ours come to visit us named Dasa to ask us about what to do about jealousy in her relationships. She had originally started seeing us for relationship counseling about a year ago with her husband Herb. The couple, who have two young children together, were having a lot of compatibility and relationship mastery skill issues. Dasa went on a wonderful self-discovery journey. Dasa’s increasing levels of consciousness eventually lead to Herb and her getting a separation. Their relationship was a stalemate, but Dasa continued to grow in many areas of her life. Her career took off; she lost weight and learned a new way of approaching situations that kept her at a high level of vibration.
Since she and Herb have children, they often had to be in contact with each other. Having to deal with him was quite a daunting task because the majority of day she was surrounded by positive people, then she would come up against this wall of negativity and contrast with Herb. To top it off, he was now jealous of her because she was doing so well and that men were now noticing her all time. Herb didn’t want to be with her, but he was still extremely jealous of other men, even though Dasa wasn’t involved or planning on being involved with anyone.
Dasa was wondering, since she would have to have contact with him, how to deal with his jealously as well as with some of her family and coworkers who are often jealous of her success.
The following are some suggestions as to how to deal with people, who since the majority of the world is in the Competitive Adversarial Paradigm (The C.A.P.) will sometimes be jealous of you as you increase in consciousness and abundance.
1) Understand why they are the way they are in order to create understanding, acceptance and forgiveness of them. Jealousy steams from the Competitive Adversarial Paradigm or C.A.P. The C.A.P. is a belief system that the world is scarce there is a lack of abundance and not enough resources in the world for everyone, therefore everyone has to grab for the limited resources. They have been taught that the way to do that is to fight and compete for these limited resources and in order to survive and strive, they have to win. There is no such thing as a win, win, there is only win or lose.
So the C.A.P. is why people are jealous of you or want to make you feel guilty. They are unconsciously in scarcity, they feel like you are potentially taking something away from them that are in short supply or that they feel the can never be or attain. They feel powerless.
Understand and accept them for where they are at and that they are doing the best they can with the level of consciousness they are at and the paradigm that they have been taught in. Just like the Bible says "Forgive them for they know not what they do." Forgive them if they have hurt you and have unconsciously energetically attacked you. Releasing and forgiving will free your energy to your fully capacity again. Understanding, accepting and forgiving them will allow you to not take what they do personally and they will not be able effect you or influence you at all.
2) Do not be in resistance of them. Although your consciousness level has risen, there may be some shadowside issues that you may have towards jealousy or trying to control people who are jealous. Our explanation of Shadowsides is the idea that there are all aspects and energies of people within ourselves. There are sides of ourselves that are either not dominant or are repressed and/or there are aspects about ourselves that we think that we cannot love. You may have to accept and love jealousy or people who are jealous in order to love that aspect of yourself.
Another important reason for not being in resistance to people who are jealous of you, is what you resists persists.
3) Avoid care giving. Picture the person who is jealous towards you as a whole, abundant person. If you are concerned that they don’t know what you know, you may end up energetically disempowering them, which will fuel their jealousy. Picture them whole, and then let them go.
4) Don’t lower your level of consciousness: Do not lower your consciousness level or stop increasing your level of consciousness in order to protect yourself from other people’s jealousy. The best you can do is whatever is best for you. Authenticity is like a lit candle. If your candle is burning really bright, eventually other people’s candles will catch your fire and light up themselves. They can not do this if your light goes out. The best you can do for yourself and others is to be a role model and a drop in the pond towards changing the world from the C.A.P. to an Abundance Paradigm. Eventually the Abundance Paradigm will catch on.
5) Limit your exposure them: With the other steps above in place, the amount of jealousy in your subjective reality should decrease. In the meantime, limit your exposure to them just as you would with anything that is toxic in your environment.
Melody Chase is a Writer and Counsellor at the Centre for Life Management/ LMC Relationship Centre and Co-author of Love by Design. She can be reached by email at support@lovebydesign.com
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