Thursday, August 31, 2006


How to Work out What to do If Either You or Your Future Spouse is Excessively Dominant or Excessively Submissive

If one or the other of you is excessively dominant, or excessively submissive, what should you do?

The seriousness of dominance or submissiveness depends largely upon what it means. Here are some of the reasons why people are one or the other:

1.Past experiences.
Dick was the oldest of eight children. His parents were easy-going. All his life, he had been the one to take the initiative, to see that things were done around the farm. When he married he would naturally continue his habit of "taking over." Quite the opposite was the experience of his sister Gwen. She was the youngest of eight children. She grew up with seven older brothers and sisters to boss her and do things for her. When she married she would be naturally submissive, and unable to assume much responsi­bility. In time she might learn to become more independent, but such a change could come only gradually.

2.Energy output.
Physical vigor and vitality make it easier for people to start things and take the lead. On the other hand, people who lack energy tend to wait for other people to start things, and to yield control to those who are stronger and more able. Some people have energies which are greater than can be absorbed in their own jobs, and there­fore tend to "take over" the tasks of others.

3.Personality disturbances. The desire to dominate or to submit may indicate a lack of basic harmony in the total per­sonality. Some people are so baffled by their own inner problems that they do not want to feel any responsibility for the outside world. They therefore long for some dictator who will relieve them of any such responsibility, and tell them exactly what they should and should not do. Others prefer to retreat, not in themselves, but from themselves into all kinds of outside activities. Still others, not knowing how to change themselves, become convinced that the trouble must be in the outside world. They find plenty wrong to support their beliefs. Since they cannot adjust to the world, they must strive to make the world conform to them.

All dictatorships, in a country or in a family, express essentially the same psychological distortions and end up in about the same place. Mental attitudes should be taken as seriously as physical disorders. Most couples now accept the idea that they should be physically fit before they marry. When Ruth's physical examination revealed that she needed a major operation immediately, both she and George post­poned their marriage until she had become well enough to assume its responsibilities. Couples must learn to take the same attitude toward mental attitudes. Excessive dominance or submissiveness may indicate serious personality diffi­culties which should be cleared up before any marriage takes place.

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